There are many things I won’t forget in my life. The lyrics of Skinny Love, how I like my coffee, the first time we met. The way you were seated on the couch, eyes fixed on the television as I walked through the door. The way I was hesitant to shake your hand at first, because yes, I’ve heard about you and yes, I’ve heard of what you thought about me. You were cracked glass and fallen debris, I was a lonely prayer. I won’t forget all the times I tried to stop myself from caring too much, I won’t forget the pouring rain. And I won’t forget the times I fumbled my way through you. How I kept falling and missing my steps and trying to skip all the broken glass until I decided to screw it, everything feels different with you and yes, I’d like to give us a chance.
I know I once said that I would never give love a second, unless I’ve found someone whom I’d drown over. Someone who is drenched in hopeful promises and sunrise, someone whom I can love so much my heart cracks and spills out everything it keeps as a secret. I said this to you as I laugh halfheartedly – I knew then I wouldn’t subject myself into being in love. Yet here I am. It’s as if all those moments we shared were put together deliberately by the universe, shaking its head, saying oh dear child must you learn this way, and of course, I had no choice.
That night when your hands were on the steering wheel, grasping it with trembling hands as I go through my thoughts, I just knew. That night when we were walking in a desolate park and you were spinning me with the music only we can hear, I just knew. That night when you cut me off mid sentence with your lips, because there were too many words to say yet they can all be told with one kiss, and it was too late at night and I was leaving, but we can’t let go of the night just yet –
I just knew.
Maybe yes, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I walked through that door and when I shook your hand. Maybe yes, I once told myself I wouldn’t let myself fall in love this way. But the universe let it happen and here we are, and I know, I just know, I won’t forget any of this either way.