Earlier today I was stuck in traffic for about an hour. Usually, I would try to pass the time by putting my phone on shuffle, it seemed easier to measure the distance through songs than minutes of travel. But today, I was elsewhere.

My thoughts drifted off far away from the corner I was trapped in, amidst cars and the scorching heat and little movement we all could make, inch by inch. I miss him, I thought so bitterly. I wish he were here with me, and then we could have a nonsense conversation about traffic and about other people in their cars, their habits and their stories, the happiest and saddest moments in their lives. Oftentimes, he would blast on music and I would have an impromptu concert on his passenger seat (he wouldn’t mind my high-pitched, off key singing). And I feel sad, thinking, why on earth, out of thousands of people who were closer to me, was I with someone who’s miles and miles away? If I would tell someone right now flat out that I was happy and content with what how we were it would be a lie. There are many things I wish I could change. I wish I could stitch islands together just so we’d be closer or that I could craft a sail boat out of winds and cloud patches so I could easily drift off to where he was. But life, of course, isn’t as easy.

So why am I here? Why are we like this?

What was his difference among the other guys whom I could’ve been with, whom I could’ve fallen in love with, if I tried? If I chose to be with someone who also lived where I was, things would’ve been much simpler for me. For one thing, I probably wouldn’t be stuck in the bus with strangers, battling my drowsy, weary eyes. And I swear, once upon a time, perhaps I could’ve even be happy with someone else, in a different lifetime. Why him? Why this lifetime?

And then, there was another part of me that answered: it’s because with him, I don’t have to try.

I don’t need to have a specific reason. I don’t need to complete a checklist. I don’t need to wait until we were ready for each other and I most certainly don’t need to work on myself to be anything that he deserves. I have, to put it simply, fallen deeply in love with him, in every sense of the word, with every inch of his beautiful soul. I have loved all his cracked pieces and broken promises, and I will always choose to love him, oceans and time zones and all.

“I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.” Celine, Before Sunset


No fictional pieces lately, sadly. But here’s something that is ripped from my diary.

feature image by Elisabeth Foco

Cara

Cara likes to read, write and laze around in her spare time. She goes into trance whenever she walks into bookstores and antique shops. She hopes to write about many adventures she'll have one day.

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6 Comments

  1. Reply

    Iel

    March 8, 2016

    Beautiful craft of words 🙁 Hey, cheer up! Stay strong to the both of you. Hold on to that love, it’s gonna be worth it someday. Godbless!

    PS : saw your blog around, I just recently came back to blogging world. Hehe.

    • Reply

      Cariza

      March 14, 2016

      Hi Iel, and welcome to my little space. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and liking this writing!

  2. Reply

    Clare

    March 9, 2016

    Awww such wonderful thoughts in words! I really admire your creativity with words, i think you’d be a great writer. I know its tough to be away from the people you love, in fact I don’t know how people do it. But i know everything’s going to be better one day and it will make the both of you stronger, stay strong 🙂

    • Reply

      Cariza

      March 14, 2016

      Thank you so much Clare. 🙂

  3. Reply

    Chrizzia

    March 14, 2016

    I needed time to process all my thoughts after reading this post. It spoke to me in so many ways, especially because I am in a same situation. It’s amazing how you put words together and make them so beautiful. I love this. 🙂

    • Reply

      Cariza

      March 14, 2016

      Hi Chrizzia, and welcome to paperantlers! 🙂 Sending lots of love and hugs to you, because I know how tough it feels, being in a situation like ours. Not every relationship could survive distance, but love surely does.

      Thank you for liking my words and I hope you’ll stay.

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