To anyone who would listen,
Take a deep breath and find your wings.
When you keep walking away from someone made of thorns but end up coming back to salvage whatever it is you once had, enduring the pricking and bleeding, trust that you are in a toxic relationship.
People are meant to build you up, not tear you down as they say. Relationships or friendships are not meant to hurt you so much you’ll bleed. The fine line of compromise lies in mutual agreement: it is agreeing that yes, you both can have this fair share, not one of you not having any share at all. It does not equate you to giving up so much of yourself and you not getting any in return.
Identifying the toxic people in your life would’ve been easy, except that the tricky part is knowing where the “tearing down” comes in. I once had this flaw too.
Tearing down is no longer being able to count how many lies they’ve told you. Tearing down is when you have to fight hard to cut the silence. Tearing down is constantly being suffocated or trapped in situations you didn’t know you got yourself into.
I have to be honest, I’m not an all-around forgiving person once my trust is ripped to shreds. Perhaps this stems from a long line of always being used or disappointed, of always relearning not to trust people too much. The constant let downs could get tiring after a while too, you see. If this happens to someone, you can’t blame them for always wanting to walk away. It is only in the past year when I learned how to value my feelings than those of others, that I, no matter what situation or excuse it is, matter too.
Dearest, you know that one person you’ve known and stuck with for a long time, yet for some reason would still often make you feel terrible about yourself? That one ‘friend’ who swears they are only trying to help, when really they’re only making you feel worse? That ex who’d constantly turn to you once their current relationships with whomever is in shambles?
You have to break free of them.
I’m saying this as an open letter. I know bad habits are hard to break. However, you have to keep reminding yourself that the only way you can let go is if you cut your chains. Some people are grapevines in this world. They prick you and bleed you out until they no longer thirst. These people are not meant to stay in your life, for once they get tired of you, they’ll leave you there to die.
At times wherein you find yourself in moments of relapse, keep flying high. Don’t look at the ground. They’d only pull you closer towards them, and then you’ll get lost again.
Know that you deserve better than how they treat you. You always deserve better than these never ending circles. Years spent in relationships don’t matter as much as your well-being. It’s time for you to create more meaningful, rich relationships with those who value your worth. It’s time for you to heal. The skies you’ll fly into is so, so much bigger than the valley of thorns you keep getting yourself stuck in.
So child, please, please, please find your wings. There is still so much that you have to see.